I probably should not write when I am angry... but I am. I am angry and hurt.

You see, I spend hours every week talking to kids about bullying and relational aggression. Challenging them to become Empowered Bystanders who will stand up for each other. Exclusion, gossip, name-calling... it is all hurtful, and it happens every single day for some kids.

Yesterday, it happened to me. You would think that I could just see past this, realize that this person who did this me is at fault. You would think I would just let it go, but I can't. Someone I considered a friend asked me to do something for him (nothing illegal, nor immoral... it was a business thing that I was in the position to help him with). Well, he got "called on the carpet" for it, and rather than admit that yes, he did ask me to do this, he threw me under the bus. Said it was all me, that he never asked for my help.

My reputation and credibility are going to take a hit here. And I am angry, hurt, frustrated. I must admit that I have fantasized about what my revenge should be. But, that's middle school behavior, not 40-something behavior. So, I vent about it... to my husband, to my friends... to everyone, except the person who "wronged me".

You should know that I am very non-confrontational. You should also know that I am trying very hard to practice what I preach. I tell children every day, "stand up for yourself, stand up for each other". We cannot expect children to treat each other with kindness, respect and civility if the adults can't do that for each other. It is difficult to admit a mistake; it is easy to blame someone who isn't even there to defend herself/himself.

It is easy for me to vent in this blog and to all my friends who will tell me that I am right. Why is it so hard to confront someone who hurts you? Why can't most adults be open and honest, and above all else, support each other, rather than tear each other down. It does not have to be a dog-eat-dog world, right?

Will you help me change it?

So, I must stop writing, I have a phone call to make...

So why "Ophelia"

I you are at all familiar with Shakespeare's Hamlet, you will remember poor, tragic Ophelia. She tried, in vain, to please Hamlet, to please her father, all the while losing her true self.

Dr. Mary Pipher write a book back in the mid-90's. Dr. Pipher saw an increasing number of young girls coming to her with serious problems.... eating disorders, suicidal thoughts.... Dr. Pipher wrote of these girls in her book Reviving Ophelia.

Then, a woman by the name of Susan Wellman read Dr. Pipher's book. She talks of meeting Dr. Pipher and realizing it was one of life's AHA moments. Sue founded The Ophelia Project along with some amazing women in Erie, Pennsylvania in 1997.

I come into this story four short years ago. My daughter was being ignored, excluded, taunted and ridiculed by her two best friends. I went searching for answers (using Google, of course) and found Sue and The Ophelia Project. The Ophelia Project raised awareness of those behaviors that fall under the category of "relational aggression". RA is those nasty, behind the back behaviors that young girls and boys seem to perfect by middle school. You know what I am talking about -- the classic "mean girl" -- eye rolls, gossip, rumors, name-calling. Yep, it happened to my baby girl, and I was furious.

Skip to four years later, and here I sit, still volunteering as the Director of The Ophelia Project of SE Wisconsin. I am forever grateful to Sue for helping us to get started here. We are affiliated with the national OP, but maintain our own budget and programs. We work with schools and community organizations to help them make safer places for kids. We call it "safe social climates" -- it means that everyone is safe socially, emotionally and physically.

I am amazed (and blessed) when I tell you that we have served thousands of children and adults. It is such a wonderful feeling knowing something I helped to create is going strong, and letting kids know that bullying is not their fault... BULLYING IS THE FAULT OF THE BULLY. Plain and simple.

Tomorrow.... what happened to me last week (hint: some adults never outgrow those "mean girl" behaviors)

An introduction

What? Me? Write a blog?

Yes, I love to write, especially subjects about which I am passionate (Ophelia, my children, my husband, my friends..), but technology and I are not-so-friendly.

For two years, a good friend keeps saying "you really should blog about Ophelia. so many are hurting from bullying and relational aggression..." So, dear friend, here it is. My first blog.

I can promise that the writing will be decent (sometimes), funny (most of the time), tragic (every once ina while), but most of all, from my heart (ALL the time).

What I cannot promise is that this blog will be aesthetically pleasing (I am a digital immigrant, not a digital native like my teenagers)!

Enjoy my ramblings, advice, resources. I hope this helps me to be a better me, and perhaps challenges you to be the best "you"